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Assess Your
Communications Style
Take this test, review the answer
key, and learn when to be more assertive or when to back off and be
more flexible in relationships.
Think about closeness and your personal boundaries. Think about
boundaries as emotional, perceptual, and physical distance between you
and your loved ones. How much love can you enjoy without feeling either
engulfed or too distant in relation to others?
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1. I feel other people's
feelings and have difficulty distinguishing my feelings from his/her
feelings. |
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2. I feel responsible for my
spouse/partner's negative emotions and take on responsibility for
trying to make him/her feel better. |
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3. I get angry with others for feelings
they express that are actually uncomfortable for me (angry about their
sadness or disappointment). |
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4. I often agree to do a favor for someone when I
really don't want to because I am hoping that my love and attention
will earn their love and attention. When I don't get it I am resentful. |
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5. People often talk me into doing things that I
really don't want to do. I don't recognize it when others cross over my
limits. |
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6. I tell others what I think he/she may be thinking,
feeling, or believing, rather than asking. |
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7. I can't take no for an answer. I pressure others
until I get what I want. |
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8. I can't tell how emotionally close or far away
another person wants me. |
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9. I move too close to a lover's personal space
before he/she wants me there. |
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10. I like to check up on my spouse/partner. Check
voicemail, email, or look at credit card receipts, read their journal
without his/her knowing this. |
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11. I have to talk to him/her several times a day to
feel secure with the relationship. |
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12. I borrow clothes or equipment from roommates or
take work supplies for home use. |
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13. Asking for favors that you would not offer. |
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14. Taking advantage of your spouse or partner's
vulnerabilities and weaknesses. |
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15. I have great difficulty allowing other's needs to
come before mine. |
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16. Telling dirty jokes or talking about sex or other
subjects in front of people who are uncomfortable with that kind of
talk…and you don't notice their discomfort. |
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17. I get overly involved in other people's personal
lives and often am worn out because of it. |
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18. I under-react to other people's feelings,
especially people I love because I fear being close. |
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19. Closeness as a feeling is difficult to maintain. |
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20. I have great difficulty accepting that my
spouse/partner does not think and feel as I do. I want him/her to see
the world from my perspective most of the time. |
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21. I like to keep most of my issues to myself. Even
when I love someone, I don't like him/her to know everything about me.
It is too exposing to be known well. I like my space. I like to keep to
myself. |
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22. I am controlling in relationships. |
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23. I let my spouse/partner control me. I often give
in to his/her way of doing things and I really don't care one way or
the other most of the time. |
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24. I have difficulty letting my spouse/partner know
what is okay and not okay regarding sexual relations. |
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25. Often I am not sure if I am angry at my
spouse/partner or if my anger is spilling over from past relationships.
I have great difficulty distinguishing my present feelings from past
feelings. |
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26. I take on too much of the blame for what goes
wrong with relationships. |
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27. I have difficulty being responsible for my
feelings without blaming how I feel on someone else. |
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28. It is hard to say, "NO! with out feeling guilty
or badly about setting limits. |
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29. Letting others tell you what their perception is
of you, and you agree, out of feeling intimidated. Their perception of
you is often inaccurate. |
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30. Sharing too much about yourself before you really
know if the person is a gossip. |
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31. Rarely wanting to share personal information even
when I am close to them. |
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32. Feeling like you have to answer any or all
questions that are asked of you. |
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33. I have difficulty deciding when I am responsible
and when my spouse/partner is responsible, and for what and whose
problem it is in a conflict. |
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34. Not knowing what your beliefs, values, or needs
are so that you can share them. |
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35. I have difficulty accepting "No" for an answer or
"I disagree with you" from my partner/spouse. |
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36. I will go to great lengths to be liked because I
cannot tolerate another person not liking me. |
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37. I have great difficulty seeing other points of
view. |
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38. I am right most of the time and everyone else is
wrong. |
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39. When I am hurt, it is like no one else's feelings
exist. |
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40. I don't need anyone. |
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